Monday, February 17, 2014

Colin Craig Admits to Transvestism in Bid for East Coast Bays

A New Zealand-based Polynesian Ice Skating duo competing at the Sochi Olympics today announced that they were in fact a pair of screaming queens who love to dress up in women's clothes. The Winter Olympics Committee is reported to be shocked by the announcement.

Colin "Hudson" Fa'afafine and Craig Halls, who go by the moniker Colin Craig, today admitted that they were long-time practicing members of the North Shore Transvestite community. Their flamboyant Olympic act, involving Ed Wood references, moon aliens and a medley of songs themed around chemtrails, admitted today that their Sochi performance was semi-autobiographical.

"I've always felt uncomfortable wearing a suit," said Craig at the press conference. "They never seem to fit right. Frankly, I feel more comfortable in angora sweaters and a padded bra," he said.

Colin Craig has reached the ice skating quarter-finals at Sochi, and are expected to go head to head against Russia's Sugar Plum Fairies this Thursday.

Craig added that he would raise awareness for the rights of LGBT by standing for Parliament in this year's election, in his home electorate of East Coast Bays.

"We're not just going for gold," said Colin, who has agreed to be Craig's campaign manager and primary campaign donor once the Winter Olympics are over. "We're saying whether you're a New Zealander, a Polynesian, an Afrikaner, or even an uptight delicate flower with a Messiah complex, you reserve the right to wear the clothes you want."

Colin Craig says they have the required 500 members to form a party, and expect a party name and policy platforms to be announced soon.

"The S&M sub-committee has had some very robust discussions on smacking," said Craig. "For example, opinion is still divided on whether cat o' nine tails or the riding crop should be the standard unit of discipline. However, there was unanimity that no-one should ever smack children, only consenting adults."

This just in from Andrew Geddis.