Friday, April 12, 2013

Female Officers, Nurses to be Offered Testosterone Injections

Women working in the Police, Fire Service, Armed Forces and public hospitals will be offered free testosterone injections from the beginning of July.

Welfare Minister Paula Bennett and Police Minister Anne Tolley joined Defence Minster Jonathan Coleman at a joint press conference this afternoon, where they announced the new policy in a bid to defuse the issue of workplace bullying and harden the chicks up.

"Paula and Anne have been pissing in my ear all year about the lack of culture change within the public services," said Jonathan Coleman.

"After consultation with the police, fire service and doctors union spokesmen, as well as the heads of the armed forces, we can find no evidence of sexual harassment, bullying or intimidation. These brave, fearless women are clearly just hysterical and need to take a chill pill," said Mr Coleman.

"Failing that, the May Budget will approve a new $1 million initiative to offer free testosterone injections to all women working as sworn police officers, those serving in the armed forces, volunteer fire women, and public sector nurses."

The press conference began with former Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten opening the gig with his "Shut up and let the man finish" routine.

Ms. Bennett and Tolley did not speak during the press conference, but sat behind Mr Coleman's raised podium with wet eyes and occasional sobs, which were silenced by dark stares from Mr. Coleman.