Today's DomPost editorial looks at the hypocritical squeals of protest farting out of John Banks over the Electoral Commission's recommendation to abolish Fortress Epsom. But to truly get that acrid taste of reflux from overweaning entitlement, have a listen to NatRad's Focus on Politics, which this week canvasses the views on MMP reform from across the House.
No wonder Readers Digest Trustiness pollsters find politicians ranked alongside used car salesmen and hookers.
Transglobal Underground chaser:
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sixed by a bus, not an elbow of flyover
Although I no longer live in Wellington, I keep a keen interest in the evolution of its character. Urban design is one of these aspects. Having walked the streets of Wellington for decades, I have studied its contours, flavours and wind funnels with care.
The recent spate of pedestrian maimings and deaths in the Wellington CBD has been a tragedy. I supported the council's decision to rearrange the bus routes, as long as lower Cuba Street was completely pedestrianised, and most of Mercer St was too. Doing so would help move the foot traffic safely into another stream, away from the old Manners Mall, now Manners Street.
At my verbal submission, this idea was bumped back by Councillors, smirking it off as a bad idea. Lower Cuba Street was a wind-swept area unfit for boulevards or outdoor dining, I was informed. The precinct was best served by a shared space. i.e. road. My written submission also favoured general traffic through Manners Street, not just buses. This point came up in the discussion on the matter on Nine to Noon last Friday.
It's a lot more complex than that, of course. Wellington is full of absent-minded professors, students, joggers, cyclists, rugbyheads and artists in varying states of reverie and/or revelry. They are all creatures of rhythm and habit. It takes years to change that conditioning, their innate trust in the footpath.
It was bad enough that the bypass has turned Upper Cuba and Upper Willis Streets into a game of Frogger for impatient pedestrians. I've lost count of the times I've almost been street-pizzaed when they re-arranged the Ghuznee Street flow. Now the Manners Street/Willis Street nexus has become a new kill zone.
Sean Plunket spoke truth to power on the matter last weekend, pointing out that most of the Council's alleged solutions to the black spot are stupid. I gather temporary fences are currently in vogue, which might stop soccer Mums with prams or mobility scooters, but it's just a small leap for this freedom walker.
The only advice I can offer is what it has always been; keep the traffic types separate as much as possible. When the fleshy bodies have to intersect with the screaming metal boxes, ensure they have weight of numbers and regular crossing times on the fleshy ones' side.
That principle was behind my entry for the aBc urban design competition back in 2007. I'm glad to see that the Basin flyover is going ahead, as well as the cut and cover tunnel under the War Memorial Park. Get that traffic away from cyclists and pedestrians. The only thing they aren't doing which was in my entry was to put the airport bypass through Government House.
Tommy Honey did have a point about the new park on NatRad earlier this week, in that it will be a disjointed open space with no links to the waterfront. Car yards litter the main lateral thoroughfares on either side, in Taranaki St and Cambridge Terrace. Hopefully, once the tunnel and park are finished and the traffic flows settle down again, Tory Street might become viable as a more pedestrianised link to Courtenay Place and the waterfront.
The recent spate of pedestrian maimings and deaths in the Wellington CBD has been a tragedy. I supported the council's decision to rearrange the bus routes, as long as lower Cuba Street was completely pedestrianised, and most of Mercer St was too. Doing so would help move the foot traffic safely into another stream, away from the old Manners Mall, now Manners Street.
At my verbal submission, this idea was bumped back by Councillors, smirking it off as a bad idea. Lower Cuba Street was a wind-swept area unfit for boulevards or outdoor dining, I was informed. The precinct was best served by a shared space. i.e. road. My written submission also favoured general traffic through Manners Street, not just buses. This point came up in the discussion on the matter on Nine to Noon last Friday.
It's a lot more complex than that, of course. Wellington is full of absent-minded professors, students, joggers, cyclists, rugbyheads and artists in varying states of reverie and/or revelry. They are all creatures of rhythm and habit. It takes years to change that conditioning, their innate trust in the footpath.
It was bad enough that the bypass has turned Upper Cuba and Upper Willis Streets into a game of Frogger for impatient pedestrians. I've lost count of the times I've almost been street-pizzaed when they re-arranged the Ghuznee Street flow. Now the Manners Street/Willis Street nexus has become a new kill zone.
Sean Plunket spoke truth to power on the matter last weekend, pointing out that most of the Council's alleged solutions to the black spot are stupid. I gather temporary fences are currently in vogue, which might stop soccer Mums with prams or mobility scooters, but it's just a small leap for this freedom walker.
The only advice I can offer is what it has always been; keep the traffic types separate as much as possible. When the fleshy bodies have to intersect with the screaming metal boxes, ensure they have weight of numbers and regular crossing times on the fleshy ones' side.
That principle was behind my entry for the aBc urban design competition back in 2007. I'm glad to see that the Basin flyover is going ahead, as well as the cut and cover tunnel under the War Memorial Park. Get that traffic away from cyclists and pedestrians. The only thing they aren't doing which was in my entry was to put the airport bypass through Government House.
Tommy Honey did have a point about the new park on NatRad earlier this week, in that it will be a disjointed open space with no links to the waterfront. Car yards litter the main lateral thoroughfares on either side, in Taranaki St and Cambridge Terrace. Hopefully, once the tunnel and park are finished and the traffic flows settle down again, Tory Street might become viable as a more pedestrianised link to Courtenay Place and the waterfront.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
FTP
Bryce Edwards has widened the debate over the Labour party's open heart surgery into a look at the Public Choice Theory / Public Good Practice debate.
On one side of the debate are the Aristotlean realists, who see the body politic as base clay fit only for making ashtrays. Yes Minister was a classic example of this Fuck You Buddy game theory:
On the other are the idealistic Platonists, who see every child as a possible future leader. They don't mourn the expense of welfare. They despair at the waste of human potential, the paragon of animals reduced to silent squalor, indignity and malice.
These are qualities usually exhibited in the social democratic or progressive sphere, which may explain what so many hackles have been raised by Labour's dismal trajectory this year. The party of labour continues to employ the tactics which favour capital instead of working to their traditional strength of sheer (hu)manpower. Au contraire mon frere, the Parliamentary wing is doing a damned good job of alienating all their little helpers.
I've said it before. Fuck the polls. It's a failure of argument. The story Labour are telling is shit. They're telling it all wrong. There's less point to it all than a Seinfeld episode, but the unintentional humour is much more grating. Their main characters seem to be phoning in their performances, and what little plot that exists has all the continuity of amateur porn.
But what do I know? I'm not in a focus group.
On one side of the debate are the Aristotlean realists, who see the body politic as base clay fit only for making ashtrays. Yes Minister was a classic example of this Fuck You Buddy game theory:
On the other are the idealistic Platonists, who see every child as a possible future leader. They don't mourn the expense of welfare. They despair at the waste of human potential, the paragon of animals reduced to silent squalor, indignity and malice.
These are qualities usually exhibited in the social democratic or progressive sphere, which may explain what so many hackles have been raised by Labour's dismal trajectory this year. The party of labour continues to employ the tactics which favour capital instead of working to their traditional strength of sheer (hu)manpower. Au contraire mon frere, the Parliamentary wing is doing a damned good job of alienating all their little helpers.
I've said it before. Fuck the polls. It's a failure of argument. The story Labour are telling is shit. They're telling it all wrong. There's less point to it all than a Seinfeld episode, but the unintentional humour is much more grating. Their main characters seem to be phoning in their performances, and what little plot that exists has all the continuity of amateur porn.
But what do I know? I'm not in a focus group.
Another stab at MMP
I've finally got around to reading the MMP Review's Proposal Paper. Another round of public huinui is being sought before submissions close early next month, before a final list of recommendations is placed before Parliamentarians to Hollywood over/ prevaricate/ cushion the fall.
The report is a largely noddable affair. Yep, good on them saying the biggest single rort that should go is the one seat party fortress that gave disproportionate proportionality to selected swing seats such as Wigram, Epsom and Ohariu. That is, the party threshold is 5 percent, except for Jim Anderton's 1.7 percent in 2002 giving him a free Robson, or Act's 1.51 percent getting a free Roy in 2005, or Act's 3.65 percent in 2008, which bought in Act's penultimate line-up of munsters. The fiddling John Banks can only blame his own party for giving cushion fortresses a bad name.
And good on them for mentioning the proportional crunch on the long horizon, when electorates and List seats face a patching. But that's a whole other can of worms along with Broadcasting allocations, Parliamentary back-doors that favour incumbents, the democratic deficit and all other electoral conundrums that were beyond the group's terms of reference.
If there's any strong objection I have with the report, it is with one word; most. It appears on the rather important matter of the Party Vote threshold, the so-called Goldilocks number. The word is used in a most inappropriate fashion after a long string of similarly non-quantitative qualifiers.
WTF? OK, put the following phrases in order of the size they are describing: A great many, a few, a substantial number, great weight, most, significant number, some. The words appear in the following text:
According to the approximate figures gleaned off the accompanying graphs, the correct answer is:
Some (200), a few (550), most (600), substantial number (950), significant number (1000), great weight (1700), with great many being the superlative (3040).
More bluntly, most submitters (1000 cumulatively) favoured a threshold lower than four per cent. The number of submitters supporting a four cent threshold (600) was only slightly more than all the nutjobs , feather-bed incumbents and Peter Shirtcliffe groupies who wanted the threshold raised.
The report's Goldilocks number of four percent is weakly supported.
The report wisely cautions against applying a different threshold onto elections past. True dat. For all this talk of the Bill and Ben Party getting a seat, the reality is that it will never happen. Likewise, the threat of too many parties in Parliament is an empty threat that is getting emptier as each election comes around. Here's a few factoids from all 6 of NZ's MMP elections:
The report completely ignored any possible link between party list thresholds and voter turnout. Fair go, you can't get too bogged down in the nebulous world of political activity. However, enrolled non-voters are still part of the proportionality mix. Their lack of interest in the dwindling range of parties on offer might just have some effect on the future of MMP.
Likewise, the report ignored that Parliament operated perfectly fine when sub 5 per cent parties were in the House, as noted back there in the second graf. The report also seemed to put too much stock in the public perception that there are too many parties in Parliament, therefore the threshold shouldn't be lowered. This is arrant nonsense. Not only have the numbers of parties contesting elections dropped precipitously, the existing DAGGS (Devil's Advocate Gone Gliding Solo) of Dunne, Banks and Harawira will be unaffected by whatever the party list threshold is set at.
Nor does the report adequately explain how a candidate can win an electorate needing no more than 17,500 votes to secure an electorate of around 35,000 constituents (Nicky Wagner won Otautahi Central last election with 12,064 votes). Yet if that candidate wanted to run a wider, regional and List-only based campaign under a 4 percent threshold, they would need to secure around 92,000 votes to become an MP (Down from the current 115,000 under a 5 percent threshold). Sure, they would also pull in another 4 MPs, at a cost of 18,400 votes each.
That's not proportionate at all. A three percent threshold is the upper reasonable limit for haggling over, not 4. Two and a half is still my sale point.
The report is a largely noddable affair. Yep, good on them saying the biggest single rort that should go is the one seat party fortress that gave disproportionate proportionality to selected swing seats such as Wigram, Epsom and Ohariu. That is, the party threshold is 5 percent, except for Jim Anderton's 1.7 percent in 2002 giving him a free Robson, or Act's 1.51 percent getting a free Roy in 2005, or Act's 3.65 percent in 2008, which bought in Act's penultimate line-up of munsters. The fiddling John Banks can only blame his own party for giving cushion fortresses a bad name.
And good on them for mentioning the proportional crunch on the long horizon, when electorates and List seats face a patching. But that's a whole other can of worms along with Broadcasting allocations, Parliamentary back-doors that favour incumbents, the democratic deficit and all other electoral conundrums that were beyond the group's terms of reference.
If there's any strong objection I have with the report, it is with one word; most. It appears on the rather important matter of the Party Vote threshold, the so-called Goldilocks number. The word is used in a most inappropriate fashion after a long string of similarly non-quantitative qualifiers.
WTF? OK, put the following phrases in order of the size they are describing: A great many, a few, a substantial number, great weight, most, significant number, some. The words appear in the following text:
According to the approximate figures gleaned off the accompanying graphs, the correct answer is:
Some (200), a few (550), most (600), substantial number (950), significant number (1000), great weight (1700), with great many being the superlative (3040).
More bluntly, most submitters (1000 cumulatively) favoured a threshold lower than four per cent. The number of submitters supporting a four cent threshold (600) was only slightly more than all the nutjobs , feather-bed incumbents and Peter Shirtcliffe groupies who wanted the threshold raised.
The report's Goldilocks number of four percent is weakly supported.
The report wisely cautions against applying a different threshold onto elections past. True dat. For all this talk of the Bill and Ben Party getting a seat, the reality is that it will never happen. Likewise, the threat of too many parties in Parliament is an empty threat that is getting emptier as each election comes around. Here's a few factoids from all 6 of NZ's MMP elections:
The report completely ignored any possible link between party list thresholds and voter turnout. Fair go, you can't get too bogged down in the nebulous world of political activity. However, enrolled non-voters are still part of the proportionality mix. Their lack of interest in the dwindling range of parties on offer might just have some effect on the future of MMP.
Likewise, the report ignored that Parliament operated perfectly fine when sub 5 per cent parties were in the House, as noted back there in the second graf. The report also seemed to put too much stock in the public perception that there are too many parties in Parliament, therefore the threshold shouldn't be lowered. This is arrant nonsense. Not only have the numbers of parties contesting elections dropped precipitously, the existing DAGGS (Devil's Advocate Gone Gliding Solo) of Dunne, Banks and Harawira will be unaffected by whatever the party list threshold is set at.
Nor does the report adequately explain how a candidate can win an electorate needing no more than 17,500 votes to secure an electorate of around 35,000 constituents (Nicky Wagner won Otautahi Central last election with 12,064 votes). Yet if that candidate wanted to run a wider, regional and List-only based campaign under a 4 percent threshold, they would need to secure around 92,000 votes to become an MP (Down from the current 115,000 under a 5 percent threshold). Sure, they would also pull in another 4 MPs, at a cost of 18,400 votes each.
That's not proportionate at all. A three percent threshold is the upper reasonable limit for haggling over, not 4. Two and a half is still my sale point.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
House of Palangi
Labour's week of self-harm has led to some excellent commentary. Even the usually dire The Standard has had some good writing from Jenny Michie and Mike Smith. Rob Salmond over at Pundit surveys some factoids, but it is Jordan Carter who hits closest to the mark:
My comment enquired whether Pagani was familiar with Adam Curtis' series of documentaries, in particular the last episode of Century of Self, featuring a look at the cynical manipulation of the body politic by pollsters and PR manipulators such as Philip Gould. The reply from Pagani above shows his ignorance, as well as his unabashed adoration of Gould's tactics.
NZ is not England, regardless of what the expat Brits escaping Thatcher's England to emigrate to NZ in the 1980's think. If NZ Labour is to move into the 21st century, it must decouple from the UK Labour party and stop copying and pasting its strategy from Old Blighty. All politics is local, and lying back to think of England will not inspire local activists.
Sometimes I think Josie's notion that there are lessons for us from British Labour's experience is a misreading of New Zealand, but I welcome her reminder that modernisation involves looking forward not back (to quote a Blair slogan).I came across the same myopia on John Pagani's blog. The post on Philip Gould has been privatised, but Google has an artifact from my comment on Pagani's eulogy:
My comment enquired whether Pagani was familiar with Adam Curtis' series of documentaries, in particular the last episode of Century of Self, featuring a look at the cynical manipulation of the body politic by pollsters and PR manipulators such as Philip Gould. The reply from Pagani above shows his ignorance, as well as his unabashed adoration of Gould's tactics.
NZ is not England, regardless of what the expat Brits escaping Thatcher's England to emigrate to NZ in the 1980's think. If NZ Labour is to move into the 21st century, it must decouple from the UK Labour party and stop copying and pasting its strategy from Old Blighty. All politics is local, and lying back to think of England will not inspire local activists.
Friday, August 10, 2012
We Got the Gun
 |
| The old man posing with one of his many shotguns in the local paper |
I've been transfixed by the justifications submitted in court for the STG and AOS cameos at the Kim Dotcom mansion. Of course, it's all sub judice still, a bit like the Pussy Riot trial, so I'll have to leave the quality of transfixation to your imagination.
Suffice it to say, the AOS get around. They stormed into a fellow cannabis law reformer's house in Waihi not so long ago, resulting in her appearance in court this week. Ann wouldn't say boo to a schmoo, yet the long armoured arm of the law sez otherwise. But my lips are zipped.
Nor can I comment on the imminent trial of Green Cross founder and cannabis law reformer Billy McKee, who is appearing next month at Palmerston North High Court. The authorities consider him such a clear and present danger to the public, they've called up the prosecutor's A-team from Wellington to lead the attack. Best of luck to Michael Appleby, whom I understand will be defending Billy.
What I can say, is that the shotgun-wielding gentleman at the top of this post voted in favour of Homosexual Law Reform. This man killed more animals than Hemingway, a high score manly member for West Coast-Tasman Damien O'Connor will never beat. But as the Labour MP for Palmerston North, happily married to his second wife, he voted in favour of equal treatment of all people in 1985, regardless of their way of life. He believed people shouldn't be criminalised for their private pursuits of happiness.
I have more bias against the institution of marriage than I do with buggery brothers and scissoring sisters. This is partly due to my father's divorce lawyering, but mainly due to direct observation of the illusion of permanence that sanctified marriage promises. If the LGBT's really want to drink that glamorous Kool Aid, go for it. I just hope they return the favour one day and help stop this other disproportionate invasion of the state into our homes.
You are right, Mr Cohen. Pi is the better movie.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Elektrobank
Fred Dagg might be a household god, but I disagree with John Clarke that the most absurd Olympic Sport is rhythmic gymnasts. Nothing is crazier than dressage. No, all gymnastics is missing is the right soundtrack. And Sofia Coppola.
Rest in Peace, PJ.
Rest in Peace, PJ.
Methodists in Labour's Madness
The bad blood bubbling within the Labour party has once again spilled out into the MSM.
Senior Labour MPs have gone on record to Duncan Garner saying Cunliffe will never be leader, and that he is not well liked within caucus. This insane tactic is messaging with hand grenades. There's nothing preventing Cunliffe from doing what John A. Lee, Jim Anderton, Peter Dunne and Tariana Turia have done before; spray and walk away. A new Left party with Cunliffe as leader would do unto Labour what Mana did unto the Maori Party.
Meantime, neighbouring Auckland Labour MPs for Mangere and Manurewa are at war over gay marriage. Heir to the Methodist Labour throne of Mangere, Su'a William Sio, has objected to holy-roller Louisa Wall's Private Member's Bill on same-sex marriage and wants the bill withdrawn. Sio can't or won't argue the merits of his alleged colleague's bill to his constituents, while Wall explains that church compassion will be unaffected and can continue along the same lines of ignorance and superstition as the Manurewa Cossie Club's approach to Sikhs.
There is clearly a lot of blood to go under the bridge yet. Here's hoping Tim Barnett, the man who was never minister but made a damned fine senior whip for Clark's government, can instil some discipline into the party. He's got his work cut out for him.
Senior Labour MPs have gone on record to Duncan Garner saying Cunliffe will never be leader, and that he is not well liked within caucus. This insane tactic is messaging with hand grenades. There's nothing preventing Cunliffe from doing what John A. Lee, Jim Anderton, Peter Dunne and Tariana Turia have done before; spray and walk away. A new Left party with Cunliffe as leader would do unto Labour what Mana did unto the Maori Party.
Meantime, neighbouring Auckland Labour MPs for Mangere and Manurewa are at war over gay marriage. Heir to the Methodist Labour throne of Mangere, Su'a William Sio, has objected to holy-roller Louisa Wall's Private Member's Bill on same-sex marriage and wants the bill withdrawn. Sio can't or won't argue the merits of his alleged colleague's bill to his constituents, while Wall explains that church compassion will be unaffected and can continue along the same lines of ignorance and superstition as the Manurewa Cossie Club's approach to Sikhs.
There is clearly a lot of blood to go under the bridge yet. Here's hoping Tim Barnett, the man who was never minister but made a damned fine senior whip for Clark's government, can instil some discipline into the party. He's got his work cut out for him.
Friday, August 03, 2012
The 49th Paralytics
According to the World Health Organisation, New Zealand drinks around 9.62 litres of alcohol per capita. In the international drinking tables, that puts us 49th= with Namibia. (Hat Tip Boing Boing).
It's not what we're drinking. It's where we're drinking it. And it's certainly not in this country, at least comparatively.
NZ drinks slightly more than the Mormontastic USA (9.44 litres), and slightly more than half the consumption of Moldova, which tops the chart with 18.22 litres per person per year. NZ's consumption rate is lower than our peers in Australia, the Netherlands and Palau (which is one of the few countries who smoke more cannabis per capita than NZ), although way below tight Old Blighty and the Emerald Isles.
1. Moldova 18.22
2. Czech Rep. 16.45
3. Hungary 16.27
4. Russia 15.76
5. Ukraine 15.60
6. Estonia 15.57
7. Andorra 15.48
8. Romania 15.30
9. Slovenia 15.19
10. Belarus 15.13
11. Croatia 15.11
12. Lithuania 15.03
13. South Korea 14.80
14. Portugal 14.55
15. Ireland 14.41
16. France 13.66
17= United Kingdom 13.37
17= Denmark 13.37
19. Slovakia 13.33
20. Poland 13.25
21. Austria 13.24
22. Luxembourg 13.01
23. Germany 12.81
24. Finland 12.52
25. Latvia 12.50
26. Bulgaria 12.44
27. Uganda 11.93
28. Saint Lucia 11.85
29. Spain 11.62
30. Armenia 11.35
31. Serbia 11.09
32. Switzerland 11.06
33. Kazakhstan 10.96
34. Belgium 10.77
35. Greece 10.75
36. Italy 10.68
37. Azerbaijan 10.60
38. Seychelles 10.59
39. Granada 10.35
40. Sweden 10.30
41. Palau 10.10
42. Netherlands 10.05
43 Australia 10.02
44. Argentina 10
45. Rwanda 9.80
46. Canada 9.77
47. Sierra Leone 9.72
48. Bosnia / Herzegovina 9.63
49= Namibia 9.62
49= New Zealand 9.62
It's not what we're drinking. It's where we're drinking it. And it's certainly not in this country, at least comparatively.
NZ drinks slightly more than the Mormontastic USA (9.44 litres), and slightly more than half the consumption of Moldova, which tops the chart with 18.22 litres per person per year. NZ's consumption rate is lower than our peers in Australia, the Netherlands and Palau (which is one of the few countries who smoke more cannabis per capita than NZ), although way below tight Old Blighty and the Emerald Isles.
1. Moldova 18.22
2. Czech Rep. 16.45
3. Hungary 16.27
4. Russia 15.76
5. Ukraine 15.60
6. Estonia 15.57
7. Andorra 15.48
8. Romania 15.30
9. Slovenia 15.19
10. Belarus 15.13
11. Croatia 15.11
12. Lithuania 15.03
13. South Korea 14.80
14. Portugal 14.55
15. Ireland 14.41
16. France 13.66
17= United Kingdom 13.37
17= Denmark 13.37
19. Slovakia 13.33
20. Poland 13.25
21. Austria 13.24
22. Luxembourg 13.01
23. Germany 12.81
24. Finland 12.52
25. Latvia 12.50
26. Bulgaria 12.44
27. Uganda 11.93
28. Saint Lucia 11.85
29. Spain 11.62
30. Armenia 11.35
31. Serbia 11.09
32. Switzerland 11.06
33. Kazakhstan 10.96
34. Belgium 10.77
35. Greece 10.75
36. Italy 10.68
37. Azerbaijan 10.60
38. Seychelles 10.59
39. Granada 10.35
40. Sweden 10.30
41. Palau 10.10
42. Netherlands 10.05
43 Australia 10.02
44. Argentina 10
45. Rwanda 9.80
46. Canada 9.77
47. Sierra Leone 9.72
48. Bosnia / Herzegovina 9.63
49= Namibia 9.62
49= New Zealand 9.62
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Satellite of Love
What a bummer that the Pacific Fibre idea has burned out. We're stuck with the Southern Cross cable for monopoly pipe until the Otaki Space program gets capable of launching NZ's own communications satellite (FFS, do not let Telecom organise that project or it'll be CDMA all over again).
In other news, the biggest dune buggy to bugger around on another planet is not expected to burn out when it lands next week. Curiosity abides.
In other news, the biggest dune buggy to bugger around on another planet is not expected to burn out when it lands next week. Curiosity abides.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Church of the Poisoned Mind
Whenever I despair with NZ politics, I look overseas and feel better about our patch.
Take Russia, for example. My old man was invited to Russia back in the 1990's to help with the privatisation of its state assets that would lay the foundations for today's oligarchs. He wasn't having a bar of it. He may or may not have foreseen their rise, but he wasn't going to be damned for the sizeable and inevitable Peoples' clusterfuck, whatever shape it took.
This year's model of Russian political fallout from that power shift has taken the unlikely form of a punk feminist collective called Pussy Riot, and their imprisonment and impending trial for blasphemy:
Amnesty International has a campaign to support the imprisoned members of Pussy Riot, who have been refused bail before their trial. Help get these non-violent performance artists out of prison. If you don't, the cocks in frocks will win.
Take Russia, for example. My old man was invited to Russia back in the 1990's to help with the privatisation of its state assets that would lay the foundations for today's oligarchs. He wasn't having a bar of it. He may or may not have foreseen their rise, but he wasn't going to be damned for the sizeable and inevitable Peoples' clusterfuck, whatever shape it took.
This year's model of Russian political fallout from that power shift has taken the unlikely form of a punk feminist collective called Pussy Riot, and their imprisonment and impending trial for blasphemy:
The crime in question occurred on 21 February and took precisely 51 seconds. The five women and a film team, plus various supporters and a couple of journalists, entered the Russian Orthodox Cathedral of Christ the Saviour, jumped over a gold rail, stood on the steps of the pulpit (a place where only men may stand) and performed the opening bars of a punk song. You can watch it on YouTube. It starts out as a religious hymn, then mutates into something Sex Pistols-esque, the women kneeling, genuflecting, crossing themselves, jumping up and down and, after a few seconds, being intercepted by security guards and led away.The Russian Orthodox Church is donkey deep in the Russian state apparatus. It was bought off by a mammoth shopping spree which started in the 1990's as clients (both private and government) sought to buy legitimacy from the church with lavish restorations and donations of icons. The church aristocracy got into the funny pages earlier this year with a shitty Photoshop job trying to hide a priest's $30,000 watch. These cocks in frocks are as bent as the Volga.
Amnesty International has a campaign to support the imprisoned members of Pussy Riot, who have been refused bail before their trial. Help get these non-violent performance artists out of prison. If you don't, the cocks in frocks will win.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Baggie Marry and Violent Bob
The Facevine advises me that today is National Poetry Day. Thank you, People's Poet. Here's one I just cooked up this morning.
Baggie Marry and Violent Bob
Baggie Marry, Baggie Marry
Wed at 18 to Violent Bob.
Within two years she wore
Two heirs; Mark and Barry,
And a constant bruise on her gob.
Ordained by God was Violent Bob.
There was no doubt about it.
By day a cop, the biggest gang in town.
The oaths he'd sworn to uphold
(By book, by Queen, by stone)
All reached one way or the other
To the feet of that Heavenly throne.
By night a sot, the biggest lush in town.
The oaths he swore and toasted
(By book, by Kings, by ring)
He reached for bottle or Baggie.
God had told Bob he could do anything.
Baggie Marry, Baggie Marry
Is clumsy around stairs.
Even level sections
Give her assault and battery
And endless medical repairs.
Baggie Marry and Violent Bob
Baggie Marry, Baggie Marry
Wed at 18 to Violent Bob.
Within two years she wore
Two heirs; Mark and Barry,
And a constant bruise on her gob.
Ordained by God was Violent Bob.
There was no doubt about it.
By day a cop, the biggest gang in town.
The oaths he'd sworn to uphold
(By book, by Queen, by stone)
All reached one way or the other
To the feet of that Heavenly throne.
By night a sot, the biggest lush in town.
The oaths he swore and toasted
(By book, by Kings, by ring)
He reached for bottle or Baggie.
God had told Bob he could do anything.
Baggie Marry, Baggie Marry
Is clumsy around stairs.
Even level sections
Give her assault and battery
And endless medical repairs.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
A Break in the Weather
We're over the hump of winter. Not only are the days getting longer, calendar mid-winter has been and gone. So has the rain, thank Dagg. That's the thing about NZ. The weather might be pluvial, even inclement at times. But it does pass. Suck on that, Blighty Summer.
The break in the weather couldn't come soon enough. These wild swings experienced at the ends of the earth require heavy defences. A creative drug regimen only goes so far, when was is really needed is some sun and a mild breeze in the hair.
As opposed to the gales that blew my bastard goNZo flag right off the flagpole, sending it somewhere south-east one howling night, or the banshee blast that knocked the neighbour's big bastard tree onto the front lawn. The frosts that fridged my flat, forcing the cat to seek refuge in the bed next to the hot water bottle.
But back to the drugs. It's good to see Labour's drug guy, Iain Lees-Galloway, backing off minimum pricing of alcohol and considering more rational options. There's no need to infantilise the country and sterilise it of all possible harms. Especially when so many Labour activists are advertising their epicurean pursuits so wantonly on Facebook. The trivial pursuits of the middle classes more closely match those of the working classes than those of the rarefied golf, bridge and Northern Club gentry, so a ceasefire on that hypocritical front seems wise.
However, there's still a hint of naivete and puritanism in there. Take the clean zones around schools, for example. Booze is not the issue around these areas. It's the brand recognition of other, more relevant, drugs which concern kids; fat, sugar, salt. Nana's nagging the wrong niche here.
On the other side of the House, drug tzar Peter Dunne has announced the 'world first' regulated artificial cannabis market, which I presume will be as meaningful as the Schedule D component of the Misuse of Drugs Act, which currently sits with a vacant schedule, just waiting for a single legal high to be approved.
What the flying buggery Jesus does "Mostly Harmless" mean exactly? Does the artificial cannabis have to be more or less harmful than tobacco, alcohol, Prozac, Coke or Viagra before it is permitted to be sold? Ever tried a bottle of low-risk alcohol or a pill of placebo-strength paracetamol? It's rubbish.
Can't they just bring back BZP and go back to the devil they know? Of course they won't. Dunne has just announced a more creative way to just say no to substitutes of the incumbent medicine men in beer, wine and spirits.
It's enough to make you want to clutch all the wine, coffee, cigarettes and herbiage all the much closer to the chest. If the wowsers don't get them, the control freaks will.
The break in the weather couldn't come soon enough. These wild swings experienced at the ends of the earth require heavy defences. A creative drug regimen only goes so far, when was is really needed is some sun and a mild breeze in the hair.
As opposed to the gales that blew my bastard goNZo flag right off the flagpole, sending it somewhere south-east one howling night, or the banshee blast that knocked the neighbour's big bastard tree onto the front lawn. The frosts that fridged my flat, forcing the cat to seek refuge in the bed next to the hot water bottle.
But back to the drugs. It's good to see Labour's drug guy, Iain Lees-Galloway, backing off minimum pricing of alcohol and considering more rational options. There's no need to infantilise the country and sterilise it of all possible harms. Especially when so many Labour activists are advertising their epicurean pursuits so wantonly on Facebook. The trivial pursuits of the middle classes more closely match those of the working classes than those of the rarefied golf, bridge and Northern Club gentry, so a ceasefire on that hypocritical front seems wise.
However, there's still a hint of naivete and puritanism in there. Take the clean zones around schools, for example. Booze is not the issue around these areas. It's the brand recognition of other, more relevant, drugs which concern kids; fat, sugar, salt. Nana's nagging the wrong niche here.
On the other side of the House, drug tzar Peter Dunne has announced the 'world first' regulated artificial cannabis market, which I presume will be as meaningful as the Schedule D component of the Misuse of Drugs Act, which currently sits with a vacant schedule, just waiting for a single legal high to be approved.
What the flying buggery Jesus does "Mostly Harmless" mean exactly? Does the artificial cannabis have to be more or less harmful than tobacco, alcohol, Prozac, Coke or Viagra before it is permitted to be sold? Ever tried a bottle of low-risk alcohol or a pill of placebo-strength paracetamol? It's rubbish.
Can't they just bring back BZP and go back to the devil they know? Of course they won't. Dunne has just announced a more creative way to just say no to substitutes of the incumbent medicine men in beer, wine and spirits.
It's enough to make you want to clutch all the wine, coffee, cigarettes and herbiage all the much closer to the chest. If the wowsers don't get them, the control freaks will.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Rastachef: Nachos El Grande
Every kiwi flatter worth their salt has their own special nachos recipe. Here's mine. It has been crafted to be not only well-balanced nutritionally with all the food groups, but also taking best advantage of the drug compass too. Damn fine Batchelor Chow too, as the hard yards of the dish can be frozen. 4th placegetter at the Turanga Leela Batchelor Batch Cooking Awards 3013.
Health & Lawyer Warning: May cause/cure constipation, asthma, night terrors, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome and a range of other side effects/benefits. May not be suitable for all enterotypes. Please consult with your intestinal bacteria before ingesting.
Zippy's Nachos El Grande
Makes 2 man portions or 4 woman portions.
Prep time: 10 minutes. Cooking time: 2-3 hours, including cigarette breaks.
What you need (in order of appearance):
All Your Base:
The largest onion in the pantry
The largest carrot in the fridge
1 Tbs cooking oil
3 cloves garlic / 1 Tbs crushed garlic
Spice Bomb: 1 Tbs chili powder, 1 Tbs cumin, 1 tsp ground coriander, 1 tsp paprika
200 grams cheap beef mince
Juice from one lemon
Half a punnet / 2 generous Tbs tomato paste
2/3 cup dry red kidney beans, soaked in water at least overnight (preferably a day) and rinsed
A cup or two of water
1 tsp beef stock / 1 beef Oxo cube
Salt and pepper
2 tsp minced chili
For each serving:
1/4 bag / 80 gramsish unseasoned corn chips
10 grates / 1/4 cup cheese
1/2 punnet / 2 generous Tbs sour cream
A few lettuce leaves
2 Tbs Coriander leaf
If it was summer, one tomato
Mis and Method
Put a large heavy-based pot on medium-low heat. While that's warming up, slice the onion and dice the carrot finely. Prepare the spice bomb by mixing together the chili, cumin, ground coriander and paprika in a small bowl.
The pot should be warm enough to put the oil in now. Throw in the sliced onion and diced carrots while you're at it. Stir until the veggies are coated with the oil, then leave it alone and uncovered, and go and have a cigarette break.
After ten minutes of laxing, go and stir the carrots and onions. Stir every minute or so until all the green spines in the onions have disappeared (about another 20 minutes. Maybe longer. Browning onions takes time but it's worth it).
Once the onions are nice and soft, throw in the spice bomb. Be careful not to inhale the fumes, and keep pets and small children out of the vicinity.
After a minute of stirring the spices through the veggies, throw in the beef mince and spend the next five minutes browning the mince, breaking lumps of it up with a wooden spoon. Once the mince is browned, add the garlic and stir a minute. Then add the lemon juice and tomato paste and stir, before then adding the red kidney beans.
Add just enough water to cover the beans and meat, and stir the crumbled beef stock into the mix. Crack some pepper into the mix, and a dash of salt (the stock has already got heaps). Turn down heat to low, put the lid on the pot and go roll up a spliff.
Stir every 20 minutes or so. After an hour, take the lid off the pot and reduce the mixture until most of the liquid has gone. Check how cooked the beans are by trying to squish one with a fork. Once the beans are readily mushable, add the crushed chili, mash the mixture a couple of times and stir. Turn the grill on.
Mis Part II.
Grate the cheese, roughly chop the lettuce, finely chop the coriander leaf. Dice the hypothetical tomato. I'm cooking for one, with the other chow for tomorrow night, so the rest of the prep is for one serving.
Place half the bean mince mix in the middle of a plate and surround it with corn chips. Top mince and beans with cheese and grill for a minute, or until cheese has just melted. Top with sour cream and put back under grill until corn chips begin to turn golden.
Remove from the grill and top with the chopped lettuce. This adds a much-needed dose of natural narcotics to aid digestion. Add imaginary diced tomato and sprinkle the chopped coriander to garnish. Et voila! Zippy's Nachos El Grande with bonus tucker. Bon appetit.
Health & Lawyer Warning: May cause/cure constipation, asthma, night terrors, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome and a range of other side effects/benefits. May not be suitable for all enterotypes. Please consult with your intestinal bacteria before ingesting.
Zippy's Nachos El Grande
Makes 2 man portions or 4 woman portions.
Prep time: 10 minutes. Cooking time: 2-3 hours, including cigarette breaks.
What you need (in order of appearance):
 |
| Lemon, salt and pepper not pictured |
All Your Base:
The largest onion in the pantry
The largest carrot in the fridge
1 Tbs cooking oil
3 cloves garlic / 1 Tbs crushed garlic
Spice Bomb: 1 Tbs chili powder, 1 Tbs cumin, 1 tsp ground coriander, 1 tsp paprika
200 grams cheap beef mince
Juice from one lemon
Half a punnet / 2 generous Tbs tomato paste
2/3 cup dry red kidney beans, soaked in water at least overnight (preferably a day) and rinsed
A cup or two of water
1 tsp beef stock / 1 beef Oxo cube
Salt and pepper
2 tsp minced chili
For each serving:
1/4 bag / 80 gramsish unseasoned corn chips
10 grates / 1/4 cup cheese
1/2 punnet / 2 generous Tbs sour cream
A few lettuce leaves
2 Tbs Coriander leaf
If it was summer, one tomato
Mis and Method
Put a large heavy-based pot on medium-low heat. While that's warming up, slice the onion and dice the carrot finely. Prepare the spice bomb by mixing together the chili, cumin, ground coriander and paprika in a small bowl.
The pot should be warm enough to put the oil in now. Throw in the sliced onion and diced carrots while you're at it. Stir until the veggies are coated with the oil, then leave it alone and uncovered, and go and have a cigarette break.
After ten minutes of laxing, go and stir the carrots and onions. Stir every minute or so until all the green spines in the onions have disappeared (about another 20 minutes. Maybe longer. Browning onions takes time but it's worth it).
Once the onions are nice and soft, throw in the spice bomb. Be careful not to inhale the fumes, and keep pets and small children out of the vicinity.
After a minute of stirring the spices through the veggies, throw in the beef mince and spend the next five minutes browning the mince, breaking lumps of it up with a wooden spoon. Once the mince is browned, add the garlic and stir a minute. Then add the lemon juice and tomato paste and stir, before then adding the red kidney beans.
Add just enough water to cover the beans and meat, and stir the crumbled beef stock into the mix. Crack some pepper into the mix, and a dash of salt (the stock has already got heaps). Turn down heat to low, put the lid on the pot and go roll up a spliff.
Stir every 20 minutes or so. After an hour, take the lid off the pot and reduce the mixture until most of the liquid has gone. Check how cooked the beans are by trying to squish one with a fork. Once the beans are readily mushable, add the crushed chili, mash the mixture a couple of times and stir. Turn the grill on.
Mis Part II.
Grate the cheese, roughly chop the lettuce, finely chop the coriander leaf. Dice the hypothetical tomato. I'm cooking for one, with the other chow for tomorrow night, so the rest of the prep is for one serving.
Place half the bean mince mix in the middle of a plate and surround it with corn chips. Top mince and beans with cheese and grill for a minute, or until cheese has just melted. Top with sour cream and put back under grill until corn chips begin to turn golden.
Remove from the grill and top with the chopped lettuce. This adds a much-needed dose of natural narcotics to aid digestion. Add imaginary diced tomato and sprinkle the chopped coriander to garnish. Et voila! Zippy's Nachos El Grande with bonus tucker. Bon appetit.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Red Shift and other Fucking Big Questions
The Higgs boson news has been a boon for general interest in science. Finally, popular interest has turned toward the really important questions on light, the universe and everything. The Independent looks at some other phenomenal mysteries.
1. Dark Matter. You know that weird change in pitch as an emergency vehicle gets closer then passes you by? That weh-weh, waa -waa thing? That's the basic tool that lead to a Nobel prize in physics. It's known as the Red Shift, and led to the realisation that not only is the universe expanding at an increasing rate, it pointed out that most of the universe is invisible to every tool known to humankind.
2. Gravitational Waves. Gravy waves are remnants of cataclysms such the Big Bang, like Cosmic Background Radiation but much much stranger. Various Unifying Theories use gravy waves to sew the four forces together.
3. Can we travel faster than light? "A positron is an electron going backwards in time," said Richard Feynman. Ponder that a bit.
4. Theory of Everything. I can't rationally explain my hope that Garrett Lisi's theory of the E8 pattern gets some evidential support during the LHC experiments. Just look at it:
In the meantime, the total geek-out freak-out over the Higgs boson continues over at Public Address. We live in strange, charm, up, down times.
1. Dark Matter. You know that weird change in pitch as an emergency vehicle gets closer then passes you by? That weh-weh, waa -waa thing? That's the basic tool that lead to a Nobel prize in physics. It's known as the Red Shift, and led to the realisation that not only is the universe expanding at an increasing rate, it pointed out that most of the universe is invisible to every tool known to humankind.
2. Gravitational Waves. Gravy waves are remnants of cataclysms such the Big Bang, like Cosmic Background Radiation but much much stranger. Various Unifying Theories use gravy waves to sew the four forces together.
3. Can we travel faster than light? "A positron is an electron going backwards in time," said Richard Feynman. Ponder that a bit.
4. Theory of Everything. I can't rationally explain my hope that Garrett Lisi's theory of the E8 pattern gets some evidential support during the LHC experiments. Just look at it:
In the meantime, the total geek-out freak-out over the Higgs boson continues over at Public Address. We live in strange, charm, up, down times.
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