Saturday, March 02, 2013

Pook Farm Annual Report

Shareholders and selected friendly media, as Chief Executive and majority shareholder, I welcome you to the first annual general meeting of the Pook Farm Co-op.

It has been a year of adverse conditions. Strong winds in early January knocked out the plum harvest. Birds savaged the apple harvest. The basil and coriander bolted. The salad veggies were wiped out by caterpillars. Caterpillars and fungus took a toll on the tomatoes as well, bringing yield down 50 percent.

On the brighter side, the carrots and onions did well.

As a result of these unforeseeable events, to the financial year ended February 28th 2013, Pook Farm made a $475 million loss. The co-operative's accounts have been audited by a visually-impaired first year Accounting graduate according to Generally Dodgy Accounting Principles.

Harsh lessons have been learned. We are currently lobbying the government to install massive wind breaks and sun shades at taxpayer expense. The Gareth Morgan double bluff is working nicely on the birds. And promising research overseas has shown the benefits of Derris Dust.

The Board of Directors has unanimously declared the Chief Executive's strategy brilliant, and has increased the CEO's salary 15 percent to $1.5 million a year (excluding perks).

Pook Farm is looking at diversifying into chickens this year. Doing so will bring not only another possible revenue stream and help with the insect plague, two chickens will double the shareholder base and add more depth at a Board level.

All those in favour of adjourning to the bar, say Miaow. We are adjourned.