Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Printing Jobs

Prime Minister John Key today unveiled the National Party's Employment Initiative policy which, if implemented, could see up to 100,000 new jobs created in the next 12 months.

"The Brand Management Work scheme is based on our Labour-plus focus group results, which showed a strong preference for cost effective training programs as a welfare solution," said John Key at Goodfellow Motors on Parnell Rise, where he was opening a new BMW showroom.

"A range of solutions were suggested at the focus groups, such as work teams to dig holes and fill them in again. This idea meshed well with our Fear and Loathing focus groups, who concluded that the public are still worried about the road toll, even though it has been trending down for decades. Accordingly, National has been building roads of National significance in our first term.

"However, I'm sure that many of the familiar faces I see in the audience are aware that the road toll has been a fantastic smokescreen to subsidise the road freight lobby with greater cost efficiencies at public expense," added Key, ad libbing from his speech notes.

"National will continue this corporate welfare next term, with a massive re-branding exercise for welfare beneficiaries. Renaming all the welfare benefits will require hundreds of consultants, legal clerks and IT support to facilitate the re-branding. The printing sector, already undergoing a boom due to the election campaign, will continue to enjoy growth as all the paperwork will need to be updated," said Key.

His speech was interrupted briefly by Occupy Auckland protesters who chanted "JUN KEY, JUN KEY, addicted power and money" before the Armed Offenders Squad arrived to contain the protest.