Saturday, April 09, 2005

Suspicion breeds confidence

We live in strange days, where loyalty is a marketing term, honour is something you do with cheques, and trust is a tax dodge. There is certainly little real old-fashioned trust at Birkdale Intermediate where principal Richard Coote has warned parents and pupils of impending random drug searches.

Old Coote admits that "There have certainly been no incidents. We just want to reassure ourselves, the community and parents."In spite of no evidence of a drug problem with even one pupil, this man is going to have his 600 pupils subjected to a drug raid. The Bill of Rights only applies to adults, I presume. When are the strip searches beginning?

Owen Goodwin, chairman of Birkdale's board of trustees, said the spot-check would also have educational benefits. "If there was the remote chance of a swarm of bees descending on the school, we would bring an apiarist to speak to the children."I agree with Mr Goodwin. Children should learn to fear the worst. That's the Kiwi way! Check the Stuff Poll for proof.

While Mr Goodwin is advising his charges of remote risks, perhaps he should consider some other educational visits:
  • Geologist; to tell pupils that they grow up surrounded by volcanos which at any time might blow and consume everything they love.
  • Astonomer; to say that a comet/cosmic rays/ solar flare could hit the earth at short notice, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
  • Climatologist; to warn that global warming might kill them all.
  • Epidemiologist; to show that an influenza pandemic is long overdue. NZ will be one of the first to get hit by a SARS-type virus originating from Asia.
  • Political Scientist; to advise that the break-up of the Soviet Union has littered the planet with rogue nukes. Osama Bin Laden might have one of the nukes timed to go off in the North Shore at any moment.
Birkdale Intermediate, preparing children for Level One NCEA nihilism.