Tuesday, January 24, 2012

John Key Defends War on Clouds

John Key today stood by the government's decision to declare a War on Clouds, after reports of a military exercise in Coatsville, outside of Auckland last Friday.

"Every Kiwi loves a summer in the sun. Clouds cause interference, blocking full access from the Sky," said Key. "Even a small cloud can block the full dominance of Sky. Therefore, it is in this country's best interests to remove any clouds."

The prime minister released details of the military exercise, which used a top secret piece of US equipment called a cloudbuster or Orgone Device.

"The USOD J. Edgar Hoover was kindly loaned to us by the United States government," said Key. "It is the same class of machine used to keep the sky above Hollywood free from clouds for years, and we are happy with its deployment here in New Zealand."

"Specially trained agents from Langley, Virginia were flown in to demonstrate the Orgone Device. These men were specially chosen for their highly repressed sexual energy, which is channelled through the J. Edgar Hoover and converted into Orgone. Clouds are eliminated without due process by the Orgone," explained Key.

When challenged by media on the bias of strict cloud regulation while Sky remains an unregulated monopoly, Key defended the government's stance by saying that you can't build a brighter future with clouds, but you can with a Sky portfolio.

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Used without permission from DeepRed.